David,
Thank you for answering our sister with such love and patience.
Please elaborate on the nature of unconditional love and how it
relates to romantic relationships in general, both when the love is
unrequited and when male and female energies join for the purpose of a
Holy Relationship.
In your spare time and all:)
Love and miss you
Beloved One,
The most romantic action one can take is giving over a relationship to
the Holy Spirit's Care. In this way you will not experience personal
responsibility for it and you will release any sense of guilt or anger
that you have previously experienced with the relationship construct.
Holy relationship is based on Giving to Extend Love instead of the
ego's personal goal of 'giving to get.' Giving from the heart is the
Purpose for everything, and this leads to the experience of
unconditional, Agape, Divine Love. Though the body was made/projected
by the ego, the Holy Spirit can now use the body to expand perception,
which is a step toward Christ Vision.
"The Love of God, for a little while, must still be expressed through
one body to another. That is because the real vision is still so dim.
Everyone can use his body best by enlarging one's perception, so he
can see the real Vision. This Vision is invisible to the physical eye.
The ultimate purpose of the body is to render itself unnecessary.
Inappropriate sex drives (or misdirected miracle-impulses) result in
guilt if expressed, and depression if denied. We said before that ALL
real pleasure comes from doing God's will. Whenever it is NOT done an
experience of lack results. This is because NOT doing the will of God
IS a lack of self." -Jesus
Remember that you are Called to be a miracle worker, and that allowing
miracles to be performed through you is your natural profession. This
Purpose eliminates all sadness and isolation and feelings of
loneliness. This Purpose brings a lasting feeling of intimacy and
connectedness.
"Indiscriminate sexual impulses resemble indiscriminate miracle
impulses in that both result in body image misperceptions. The first
is an expression of an indiscriminate attempt to reach communion
through the body. Fantasies are distorted forms of thinking, because
they always involve twisting perception into unreality. Fantasy is a
debased form of vision. Visions and Revelations are closely related.
Fantasies and projection are more closely associated, because both
attempt to control external reality according to false internal needs.
Sexual fantasies are distortions of perception by definition. They are
a means of making false associations, and obtaining pleasure from
them. No fantasies, sexual or otherwise, are true. Fantasies become
totally unnecessary as the Wholly satisfying nature of reality becomes
apparent. The sex impulse IS a miracle impulse when it is in proper
focus." -Jesus
This focus always means being used by the Holy Spirit as a step in
enlarging perception and approaching real Vision.
"Tension is the result of a building-up of unexpressed
miracle-impulses, This can be truly abated only by releasing the
miracle-drive, which has been blocked." -Jesus
Relationships are opportunities to teach and learn perfect equality
and freedom of mind. Possession is always an ego motive, and here are
some teachings from Jesus which, like the ones above, were originally
dictated to Helen and were left out of the public published version of
ACIM:
"Possession is a concept which has been subject to numerous
distortions, some of which we will list below:
1. It (possession) can be associated with the body only. If this
occurs, sex is particularly likely to be contaminated. Possession
versus being possessed is apt to be seen as the male and female role.
Since neither will be conceived of as satisfying alone, and both will
be associated with fear, this interpretation is particularly
vulnerable to psychosexual confusion.
2. From a rather similar misperceptual reference point, possession
can also be associated with things. This is essentially a shift from
1), and is usually due to an underlying fear of associating possession
with people. In this sense, it is an attempt to PROTECT people, like
the superstition about "protecting the name", we mentioned before.
Both 1) and 2) are likely to become compulsive for several reasons,
including:
a. They represent an attempt to escape from the real possession-drive,
which cannot be satisfied this way.
b. They set up substitute goals, which are usually reasonably easy to
attain.
c. They APPEAR to be relatively harmless, and thus SEEM to allay fear.
The fact that they usually interfere with good interpersonal
relationships can be interpreted, in this culture, as a lack of
sophistication on the part of the OTHER (not the self), and this
induces a false feeling of confidence in the solution, based on
reliability NOT validity. It is also fairly easy to find a partner who
SHARES the illusion. Thus, we have any number of relationships which
are actually ESTABLISHED on the basis of 1), and others which HOLD
TOGETHER primarily because of the joint interests in 2).
d. The manifestly EXTERNAL emphasis which both entail seems to be a
safety device, and thus permits a false escape from much more basic
inhibitions. As a compromise solution, the ILLUSION of interpersonal
relating is preserved, along with the retention of the lack of love
component. This kind of psychic juggling leaves the person (or
juggler) with a feeling of emptiness, which in fact is perfectly
justified, because he IS acting from scarcity. He then becomes more
and more driven in his behavior, to fill the emptiness.
...Generally, two types of emotional disturbances result:
a. The tendency to maintain the illusion that only the physical is
real. This produces depression.
b. The tendency to invest the physical with non-physical properties.
This is essentially magic, and tends more toward anxiety-proneness.
c. The tendency to vacillate from one to the other, which produces a
corresponding vacillation between depression AND anxiety.
Both result in self imposed starvation." -Jesus
I hope this offers a clearer context for releasing the desire to be
'special' in the world and to 'possess' a partner. Unconditional Love
has no object, seeing everything in the Love of God with the Vision of
Christ. This Light is the outcome of working miracles and freeing the
mind of all fear and sense of lack associated with being human.
Forever in Love,
David
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Dear David and writers,
I also very much appreciated your wisdom and love in the emails to the
divine child who sees herself as lovesick. I wrote down the passage:
"Give this relationship to the Spirit and let it be used to purify
the mind from the ego's need to 'get' anything. Give the love you
feel, and you will come to know Love as our Self. Let the spirit lead
the way to true forgiveness. " I appreciated the discussion, because I
realized that, even though I am still in a relationship with a man I
love, and he tells and shows me he loves me very much, I have still
managed to find myself wavering back and forth into a similar state
of "love sick" mind. For a year or so this man wanted to spend all
his time with me (even a little too much for my liking!) and saw me as
his "wife" and partner, and now he is needing to take some space and
time away from me to "find himself" and "get his life together". He
is still very happy to spend occasional time together and clearly
loves me, and he is still considering that we may spend our lives
together, only he has been going through his dark night of the soul.
It has been a very good lesson to me that the ego will find pain and
suffering in any situation in which it imagines itself to be less than
in some way. I am seeing this as an opportunity to allow this feeling
of need and lack to rise up to consciousness and to transmute it in
some way. I know that in those moments when I am being my True Self,
I am not concerned with the outcome of this situation, but concerned
for the healing of us both, and the presence of Divine Love that exists.
I know I've talked to you about this situation in person, David, but a
couple of clear questions come to mind at this point. It has happened
quite often recently that I'll be feeling really loving and strong in
my sense of True Self when, suddenly, an intense wave of ego
affliction will flash through me, and I'll suddenly become upset that
this person is "leaving me hanging," or is "ignoring me," has not
answered my question in the most loving way, or some such detail.
Sometimes I have made a point to have a conversation with him about it
to express my pain, and sometimes I have steered myself away from the
projection to practice transmuting it within my own mind. Regardless,
it happens quite a lot, even though alternating with periods of peace.
Is it good for me to keep using my willpower to steer myself away
from sharing my hurt feelings? I think if I didn't steer myself away
at all I would end up with an outpour of relentless ego afflictions
directed towards him. Yet, there are times when I'm able to forgive
and release my feelings and times when I feel like I'm holding in
resentment, try as I might.
Also, there are times when I consider leaving the relationship because
there is no commitment involved at this particular point in time, and
his "crisis" and recent confusion have no clear end in sight. Also,
he has difficulty with learning responsibility and he has some
self-destructive tendencies, though it seems that it was the light of
our love that helped him bring this up to heal, and he has been clear
to me that he realizes that this is what he needs to heal now. I keep
coming back to the idea that, as long as there is an unfolding
happening, however slowly it seems, that this is an opportunity to
experience the miracle of real Love and to let it teach us what is the
purpose of our relationship because real Love is definitely there and
is being reflected back much of the time. I know that when I am truly
being connected to Self, I only want to love and support him through
his crisis, and I feel like I am free because I am not making demands
of him; unfortunately that feeling is less common than the pain of it
recently. Do you have any light to shed on this situation because it
is often painful, and I want my pain to help me bring my unconscious
to light and not just be an addiction that I need to let go of.
Sometimes I get confused between the two. Does this make sense? I
feel like my meditations and prayers and practicing correcting my
perception are all good, but sometimes I lose patience because I keep
feeling pain, and I feel like I'm spinning wheels. How do we know
when it's good to hang in there and when it's good to stop? I know
the pain will not just go away if I give up on myself now and stop
working towards ultimate forgiveness. I know that he and I have the
capacity for real Love as we have had long experiences of this and
still beautiful flashes of it now, but I sometimes wonder if it's my
attachment that's keeping me here instead of my desire for true
forgiveness and love. I think they are both true. :( :) :(
:) (that's me!)
Love
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Beloved One,
All healing relationships are a context for allowing unresolved guilt
to arise in awareness and be released. If the relationship seems to
unfold with permission to expose and release the pain being held, so
be it. If you are Guided to talk about these feelings with your
partner and at some point he feels unable to cope with them or
overwhelmed by them, this is the time to step back from him and not
'push' the relationship. There is never anything to force, and
patience is natural to those who trust. Help will always come in some
form, and these messages are one direct form that is ever available.
It is always important to be reminded that you are not limited in the
ways that the Holy Spirit can reach your awareness except by the
limits of belief that you impose.
I am always here for you Beloved. That is the Purpose for our joining
in holy relationship.
In Forever Love & Gratitude,
David
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Dear David
I am in such despair these days. I want to experience that I am not
this body, but it seems impossible. I find myself suffering a lot
because of the lack of sex in my relationship. I am so stuck in my old
ideas about how my relationship should look like for me to be happy.
And I hate myself for making sex such big a deal, and I hate myself
for having sexual needs. I would really rather not have any needs at
all, because they only make me feel miserable. I sometimes feel really
angry at him. I feel like this poor little victim. And sometimes it
feels like I am a little child who wants things her way or nothing at
all. I have often had the thought that maybe he and I just shouldn't
be together when it is this big a deal for me, that we don't have sex.
But then I think: what is the point in separating? It is not like I
want to be with anybody else sexually and besides I really, really
love him. I just miss this one aspect in our relationship and I don't
know what to do about it…I wish I could change my thoughts, but I
don't know how. And I wish I didn't have bodily needs. I actually feel
guilty for having these needs. I feel like there is something wrong
with me. Why can't I just be happy for sharing the love he and I have?
I feel like I am a horrible and guilty person. Judging him and making
him wrong when it gets too hard judging my self all the time.
Of course I use our past together as an idealization of how things
should be. Because I remember that we used to have a lot of sex when
we just met and I tell my self that I was a lot more happy back then.
How stupid is that? I make everything about sex! I think that if there
is no sex in a relationship it isn't a good relationship. Then the
relationship is bound to die and then what will become of little me –
this little poor body that no one wants to have sex with! Stupid, stupid!
Maybe I want to have sex with him so bad, because it makes me
temporarily feel alright. It makes me feel like I am worth loving and
like I am innocent. Maybe I crave sex because I need it to prove to
myself that I am alright. And when I don't have it, I feel like there
is something wrong with me because I identify with the body.
How can I experience that I am NOT my body. I would give anything in
this illusory world to be set free of the body's chains. What do you
think I should do? I have considered trying to make him change, but I
know that is really not the solution. That would be like fixing the
effect instead of the cause, right? It is just so tempting because I
seem to think that it would take the pain away right now. And I need
it to go away quickly.
I don't want my happiness and self esteem to depend on anybody else
anymore. I am tired of thinking; "I am good enough if he wants to have
sex with me", and "I am good enough because he says he loves me" or "I
am lucky that he thinks I am pretty. Otherwise he probably didn't want
to be with me." And "Why doesn't he tell me I am pretty anymore?
Doesn't he love me?" It's just terrible being this fucked up! I hate
it SO much!
Thanks for reading this sweet David. I just needed to let it out. I'm
looking forward to read your response.
Love
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Beloved One,
Thankfully the Awakening mind is freeing itself from all needs based
in lack, for in Heaven there are no needs and no lacks. As we join in
prayer, the desire for open, free flowing, unrestricted communication
becomes activated - and this miraculous communication leads us further
inward. With regard to sex and distorted miracle impulses, Jesus says
the following:
"Sexual fantasies are distortions of perception by definition. They
are a means of making false associations, and obtaining pleasure from
them. Man can do this only because he IS creative. But although he can
perceive false associations, he can never make them real except to
himself. As was said before, man believes in what he creates. If he
creates a miracle, he will be equally strong in his belief in that.
The strength of his conviction will then sustain the belief of the
miracle receiver.
NO fantasies, sexual or otherwise, are true. Fantasies become totally
unnecessary as the Wholly satisfying nature of reality becomes
apparent. The sex impulse IS a miracle impulse when it is in proper
focus. One individual sees in another the right partner for
"procreating the stock" (Wolff was not too far off here), and also for
their joint establishment of a creative home. This does not involve
fantasy at all. If I am asked to participate in the decision, the
decision will be a Right one, too.
In a situation where you or another person, or both, experience
inappropriate sex impulses, KNOW FIRST that this is an expression of
fear. Your love toward each other is NOT perfect, and this is why the
fear arose. Turn immediately to me by denying the power of the fear,
and ask me to help you to replace it with love. This shifts the sexual
impulse immediately to the miracle-impulse, and places it at MY disposal.
Then acknowledge the true creative worth of both yourself AND the
other one. This places strength where it belongs." -Jesus
You are worthy of Divine Love, and the steps toward experiencing it
will be made apparent. The mind is very deep, and much darkness must
arise unprotected and willingly, that it may be released to the Holy
Spirit for healing. Our journey inward will seem unlike the pathways
of the world (the ego's desires for 'bigger, better, faster,
more...'), for peace of mind is our goal now. Success is inevitable,
for Eternal Peace is God's Will, and no one can fail who seeks to
reach the Truth. :)
Thank you for pouring out your heart and for your willingness to join
in healing. When healing is the context, the fear of losing a partner
seems to fade a bit, for the mind is willing to go through whatever it
seems to take to experience a true and lasting experience of Love.
The ones who I visit and who visit me, the ones who write and call
upon Love, these are all in a healing context and I appreciate your
willingness to open the communication fully and release all self
imposed limits.
I pray this message Helps in placing romantic relationships in a
healing context, for under the Holy Spirit's direction all
relationships are used as mirrors for healing. All glory to God!
In Peace & Joy,
David
